Control
Things I can directly decide or do.
- what I say
- what I do next
- whether I ask for help
- whether I raise the issue
- how I use the time available
- whether I set a boundary
Workshop resource Control
Feeling like you're
losing control?
When pressure builds, it can sometimes feel like everything is happening to us at once. Some things genuinely sit outside our control. Other times, our attention becomes focused on things we cannot change.
This resource helps you stop, work out what is happening, and identify where you can act.
Download the Control WorksheetAcceptrecognise
Influenceaffect
Controldecide & do
The key takeaway
You don't need to
control everything
Stress can increase when something matters to us but we feel unable to affect what happens next.
Sometimes control is reduced by the environment around us: priorities changing, unclear expectations, unrealistic demands, relying on other people or teams, decisions being made elsewhere, or uncertainty about what happens next.
At other times, our sense of control can become smaller because our attention is focused on things we cannot fully control, such as another person's reaction, something that has already happened, or every possible outcome.
The aim is not to ignore things outside your control.
The aim is to work out what you can control, what you can influence, and what you may need to accept for now.
A three-step tool
Notice. Sort. Act.
A practical way to pause, make sense of the situation and choose where to put your effort.
01
Notice
Start with what's happening
What am I trying to control right now?
How do I know that I am starting to lose control?
Notice what is happening before trying to fix it. You might become frustrated, withdraw, avoid something, try to control everything, overthink the situation or feel like nothing you do will make a difference. These are simply examples of ways people may respond.
02
Sort
What sits where?
Influence
Things I cannot decide myself, but may be able to affect.
- priorities
- deadlines
- workload
- how work is allocated
- getting more information
- someone else's decision
Accept
Things I cannot currently control or meaningfully influence.
- something that has already happened
- another person's opinion
- whether someone agrees with me
- some organisational decisions
- external events
Acceptance does not mean agreeing with something or doing nothing. It means recognising what you cannot currently change so you can decide where to put your effort instead.
03
Act
Choose your next useful move
Act
Do something directly within your control.
Ask
Ask for clarity, information, support or a decision.
Influence
Speak to someone who may be able to affect the situation.
Break it down
Identify the next manageable action rather than solving everything at once.
Set a boundary
Be clear about what you can reasonably take responsibility for.
Escalate
Raise the issue with someone who has the authority to act.
Accept
Stop spending energy trying to change something you currently cannot change.
Put it into practice
Take a moment.
Work it through.
Use the worksheet to work through a real situation that is creating pressure, frustration or uncertainty.
Download the Control WorksheetThe Control WorksheetA simple tool for when something feels outside your control.NoticeSort
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